It is hot outside. Strange for me, until I feel a pinch, and I am reminded.
Stocking-ed feet make it safe, and I realize how green the grass is

The sky is moving fast now, faster than my thoughts, and I focus on it.

All that mattered was touching, and someone took the time to feel my heartbeat.
_____ I never knew that could happen.
I never knew this could happen.

It is hot outside. Strange for me, until I feel a pinch, and I am reminded.
Stocking-ed feet make it safe, and I realize how green the grass is

The sky is moving fast now, faster than my thoughts, and I focus on it.

Valley
I haven’t done this in a long time.
It’s a little part of me.
(like when people say that they die a little inside, except the opposite)
I’m coming alive temporarily, like that fluorescent light bulb in the lonely lobby, the firefly that hovered by your ear.
It’s all smooth, for now.
I know, it’s all my fault, and It’s easier this way because it’s Mutually Exclusive.
For a while, life was monochromatic (As I take a break, and remember)
Nostalgia tinges my nose now. I want to tear up, but it wont work, because the truth is, I’m not sad.
The sky was white, it wouldn’t move. Everything else was black, but we were in shades of grey.

All that mattered was touching, and someone took the time to feel my heartbeat.
I never knew that could happen.
I never knew this could happen.

Temporary
It beats, and I can feel it holding in the air around me.
The tempo changes us, and I know when the lights turn on, we don’t like to move.
I don’t like the idea of you seeing me, but the television is gentle, and
Lends a softening hand to the idea of me.
I think you like my silhouette
Theres different things about it, and its becoming saturated.
I don’t think about these things until the morning, with the faint glow of the clock
reminding me.
We don’t have excuses right now, anymore. (it was trying to be neon)
And we always have to recycle it. (a little is lost everytime, and its never the same)
———————————————————————
i havent written anything like this in a long time, and i dont think that my poetic voice will be the same as when i was younger and raw. im putting this out there. people (aherm) might know what these things are, but knowing , you might think its something else, or it might change your perception. SORRY. i need to take a break like.. 10 minutes for every paragraph on this english paper! wish me luck. (and today, i didnt realize this, but for the first time today, i did something seriously asian, and unconsciously.)
everything that didnt make sense, now makes sense. but every new thing i learn doesnt. it clicks

It seems i always look away when the numbers pass, so that when
i look up the minutes have passed without my knowing.

Turning up the volume, thank god for deafness.

I lay down and rest my fingers on the volume. and vibrations escape
through where the two pieces fail to connect, transferring to my fingertip.
pulsing, it seems, with my my heart.

there is a time limit on sanity.

I’m looking, waiting for the time to pass, but, with my fixed stare, i become
bored. Soon my eyes shift towards the window. Outside the wind moves the limbs
of a tree back and forth, blocking and un-blocking the glare of the sun burning
on the metal parallel to my room.

tears are a temporary thing.

it’s a smile, yes. so under-appreciated. do you think i could
have held on tighter? embrace- it isn’t missed until too late, until it’s left.
it wasn’t sad at that time. but i walked away and realized it was forever.

six minutes past my limit.

first the faint searing on my nose, the bridge, closest to the
eyes. tinted windows so i can’t see her, but wave anyway. then a swelling in
my chest, to the right of my heart. uncontrollable, these emotions are. step
up and sit down. forever goodbye. as i dwell more on these thoughts, i feel
my waist condense, my stomach swirl as tears start to cling to my eyelashes.
i forgot to whisper ‘i love you too’. and my cheeks are now wet. stifiling,
so as not to be heard

Paths already dried, and yet i’m still crying. now running to
the corners of my mouth, down my neck because i am looking at the ceiling. my
skin feels odd because i didn’t bother to brush the tears away.

they remain saturated and absorbed.

i am spent.

it’s still churning inside of me, yet my body has no tears remaining.
i feel obliged. as if a tribute, i wish i could continue to make salty puddles
for her.

Breaking point.

July 4

all of a sudden, it’s as if my life were a movie. a montage of
photos. sitting next to her, i feel her heart pulsing through her skin. the
blood rushing through her veins pushes through her skin, which in turn flares
against mine. a sharp ember of life.

and pondering on this, my exposed chest flashes with heat, slowly
spreading, aching.

it feels like my whole rib cage is collapsing upon itself. my
inner structure has left. my world’s falling apart. from within. did she notice
my sudden movement to grab her hand, intwining my fingers with hers? it was
an involuntary reflex– reaching for comfort. last hours wasted while the new
day is crouched over the horizon, speckled with faded stars.

my skin is hot. Once again, from within. it’s difficult with the
air conditioner on, but not too hard under the circumstances. ignore it, i say
in my m ind.

these
unheard reprisals.

Always the unheard… contemplation.

Silence
is what always kills.

Summer 2002

i try to continue my life
with the knowledge that you’re lost to me
meloncholy smiles while brushing the tears
away; pretending they don’t exist;

turning the hourglass over
and i finger the lips you once kissed

you’ve torn me around the edges,
just a matter of time before
I fall apart.

you’ve cut me to form the shape
you want and it doesn’t make
a difference how much tape I use,
im still your broken piece of paper.

i’d hoped you understood
how my life has been,
what i’ve been through,
and what you do to me.

don’t listen to these words i say,
i’m just pretending to be in control.
i don’t mean it,
im just afraid.

been alone too long.

can you read my handwriting?
so illegable, even i can’t make out the words?

i sent a note to you,
sorry it’s not on pink
scented paper,
but it’s the truth.

take me back, and grab my hand.
Will you give me chocolate on Valentine’s day?
i’m confusing you, but that’s because
im trying to work out my life.

Who am i?

haven’t cried in so long,
but now the tears are coming down.
they’re falling on the paper,
kissing the ink because i can’t kiss you.

ink’s running now,
but i’m used to it,
that’s my life’s story
after all.

you know i just wannna
start on a clean piece of paper,
and forget my past.
haven’t kept enough memories to forget,
so i’ll just collapse on my bed
and hold my dolls.

they’re so perfect because
they can’t feel any pain.
i wish i could be like them,
cheeks unstained by tears.

shove the shoebox back under the bed,
forget about all of the old photographs
and throw the tissues away.

leave my broken home
and go back to sleep,
hopefully when i wake up,
i’ll be on a fresh sheet-

a piece of paper where i can forget
about the past chapters
and i’ll start writing again.-

i’ll sign my name at the bottom,
the only problem is if
i’ll remember who
the signature belongs to.

::::: for joe :::::