THIS IS SO UNFAIR.
my sister got her hair dyed and cut!? i havent
gotten my hair cut since the beginning of school, and my sister has gotten her
hair dyed and hilighted 3 times since then. each time, she didnt have to pay.
the one time i did, i had to pay.
then my mom comes in and turns all the lights off
and turns the DVD player off. WTF.
and so i go in to eat and theres food so i ate ONE
thing of it, the smallest one and my brother comes in yelling at me saying
they’re his and stuff. that  its his mo ney (since when does HE shop at
costco?) and then tries to jerk the potato thing half eaten away from me; then
offers one to ariel and one to my mom.
AND i got my english final in the MAIL first class,
and my mom had already opened it.
i said ‘its mine, says my name on iT!!’ and she
said ‘so’

this is so bad so so bad.

i dont want to be here, i dont want to be with
them.
christmas is supposed to be a family holiday, and
i dont have a family.

it just hurts to see it rubbed in all the time,
blatant double standards and favourtism, lack of respect, and neglect.

and even so, i had to fight my brother for the PC,
he was watching football on it. saying; go upstairs and clean nikki and i had to
unhook the TV thing from him and take the remote. and he still physically fought
me. then, when i won, he said ‘you have mental issues’

and they all try to blame it on me that i went
clubbing last night. i do ONE thing. ONE thing and they hold it against me for
eternity and blame it for everything that happens before or after within a span
of a month. and even if i try to explain how it makes me feel , how it hurts me,
i just end up crying because it hurts so much, and then they think im a little
kid and they dont pay attention to me.

we’re supposed to go eat at our neighbors. why? i
dont like them. ANOTHER instance of people hating me. giving my sister, brother,
everyone, presents except me. even birthday presents. how does that make me
feel? its the principle, that my eighteenth birthday wasnt even special
enough to warrant a thought. why would i wan t to go over there and continue to
be scruitinized? and all this; i had to TELL my mom not to tell her that i was
going on birth control. she didnt say ‘ i wouldnt tell her!!’ she just said
‘oh’.. like she would anyways. its not like i can stop her.

i dont want to share this part. i mean.. i dont
want to share the part of my life that i have with you with other people;
they’ll just taint it for lack of better word.

ive made the decision not to go to the dinner; im
not hungry; i lost my appetite.

i am just going to crawl into bed, cry, and go to
sleep.

what did i ever do to them, what
did i ever do wrong?

but you don’t know about the back-issues