lets just look at this kick ass Psychology gradige

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Assessment Average: 100%
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more specifically,
Exam 1 > 100% (Class Average-8.2222222)
Video Assignment > 100% (Class Average-7.6153846)
Critical Research Assignment > 100% (Class Average-7.0833333)

Aaaahh. good times.
my essay, AGAIN. (i gave up editing after the first couple of paragraphs, can you tell?)oh, and i made up a new word, figure out what it is. dont laugh at the cliches
—
FINAL I (WHITE PICKET FENCES)

People often approach life with a plan. Frequently, this systematic approach (consciously enacted or not) makes living easier and adds a purpose to one’s life. This is true for me. I am able to think back on many points in the past where I was caught off guard by a questionnaire, and began to drown helplessly in the blank space: ‘What are your future goals?’ I had turned this phrase over in my mind over and over, each time pressured into quickly jotting down a hollow answer before resolutely moving on.

Though I felt as if I was being forced into choosing a way of life, I was also in a rush to discover what I wanted in life. I believed, as much as an school-age child could, that I needed to find my purpose in order to continue living and hold an existence in the modern world. Where would I be without a plan of future, investments, and structure? The unknown answer scared me. This fear was to become the catalyst to a variety of adventures in the world of ‘dream’ forming.

To begin planning, grasping the definition of a socially accepted life was essential I began developing my ideas when I experienced my first career day. This “Career Day” was a new thing to me; it consisted of teaching the students about different vocational fields, and brought with it a feeling similar to that which, as a child, I would experience when I saw the ice cream truck round the corner with the promise of sweets and music. I do not remember the actual taking place of “Career Day” (the more I think about this, I realize that I have a rather poor memory), but I do recall my fascination with marine life; somehow my second-grade self found a career that this infatuation could apply itself: Marine Biology. I whole-heartedly believed that I wished to become a marine biologist, but I also failed to consider the fact that the interaction with sea creatures involved swimming (which I had not yet mastered), and that the ocean held sharks. My constant viewing of Discovery Channel documentaries on shark feeding habits and the Jaws series succeeded in repelling me from the water and made palpable my denial concerning the realties of my chosen career.

Upon my graduation of secondary school, the topic of career goals seemed to always appear out of some dark corner in the middle of conversations. The more conversations in which I participated, the more people I encountered who also planned to study the field of marine biology. At this point, the bitter taste in my mouth held from the development of the conscious acknowledgement of my naivety grew. I felt my stomach turn. To most, the thought of others sharing similar hopes and dreams would affirm their chosen career path; not so for I. For some reason, this fact unsettled me and fueled my eagerness to fall in love with a new “career” so to speak. This was a hard decision to make, for the life and dreams I had spent years constructing now had to be wiped away and started a new.

My father is an engineer, and being able to provide the same environment and stability for my future family that he has provided me would be the ultimate sense of satisfaction. Unfortunately, I have no skill for engineering or computer programming, this fact being proven by the doubt-clearing courses in high school and my resultant performance.

Unknowingly, throughout my life, I had chosen my future career. I just refused to acknowledge it, and when I did glance at it, I had a feeling similar to that of taking a double-take while standing in line at the grocery store and recognizing my long-lost best friend standing next to me. I could not find words to describe what I was feeling at that epiphanic moment. Deciding on a career was such an important feature in my life at the time. It determined what college I would attend, where I would live, and what type of person I would become. Now, the discovery of my hidden talents does not seem like such a shock because I am able to see the whole picture.

I have always held an interest in the Asian culture, and since the only language my high school offered in this area was Japanese, I readily excelled. I have also been a Girl Scout for thirteen years, and truly enjoy interacting with children and teaching. After attending the Governor’s academy for Japanese in the summer of 2003, I was informed of a program called JET (Japan English Teaching). This seems like the natural choice for me, considering that it combines all of my joys in the world. I could not ask for anything more than a job, and life, that I thoroughly enjoy.

My near future is sure to be filled with many a dismal Friday night, loaded with textbook upon textbook, overcast by a desk lamp, and littered with the scant eraser or pencil lead. I see this all as my duty, filling the requirements needed to move onto the next level. I need to check off a certain number of boxes before I am able to start the next chapter in my life. The knowledge that someday I will be surrounded by the din of traffic below my apartment window, live by public transportation, and speak the language I love, pulls me through these days. I walk steadily towards the point in my life where everything will converge into one point.

The sun is going to rise in the east, and I am going to be happy.

i’ve seen you a while now
long enough to be close
there’s some things about you
that i should know
(i still don’t)
with all the questions we didn’t ask
our conversations could never last
our moments alone were scarce and few
it was just easier to hide the truth

if all of our secrets were exposed
would we be sharing the same bed
how ’bout if i broke the silence first
did i hear what you’re thinking in your head
i need to be talked to, i need to be touched
i need you to hold me, i need to feel loved
and if i could open up to you
maybe i could open you up

but instead i got the phone call
just thought i’d call to let you know
i wanna be alone all night again

…phone call
just thought i’d call to let you know
i wanna be alone all night again

with all the questions we didn’t ask
our conversations could never last
i need to be talked to, i need to be touched
i need you to hold me, i need to feel loved
and if i could open up to you
maybe you could open up to me
we’d do all the things that lovers do
i’ve been meaning to tell you how i feel…

but instead i got the phone call
just thought i’d call to let you know
i wanna be alone all night again

…phone call
just thought i’d call to let you know
i wanna be alone all night again

–

and when i started listening to Symptom Finger, i just had to pause and lean over my keyboard. it was SO GOOD. i love it so much. i want to do some weird funky dance to it right now.

I look into the windows.
_______From outside, I see milky rooms with swirling shadows
(they once held the shapes of bodies)
I imagine scenes in my head. I try to think about their lives, and how they’ve been.
I look down at my feet, and imagine falling off of this beam. (it would hurt, I consider
empirically, as if it is someone else not me, Jane in the Physics text book)

It is hot outside. Strange for me, until I feel a pinch, and I am reminded.
Stocking-ed feet make it safe, and I realize how green the grass is

The sky is moving fast now, faster than my thoughts, and I focus on it.

I haven’t done this in a long time.
It’s a little part of me.
(like when people say that they die a little inside, except the opposite)
I’m coming alive temporarily, like that fluorescent light bulb in the lonely lobby, the firefly that hovered by your ear.
_____ It’s all smooth, for now.
I know, it’s all my fault, and It’s easier this way because it’s Mutually Exclusive.
For a while, life was monochromatic (As I take a break, and remember)
Nostalgia tinges my nose now. I want to tear up, but it wont work, because the truth is, I’m not sad.
The sky was white, it wouldn’t move. Everything else was black, but we were in shades of grey.

All that mattered was touching, and someone took the time to feel my heartbeat.
_____ I never knew that could happen.
I never knew this could happen.

It beats, and I can feel it holding in the air around me.
The tempo changes us, and I know when the lights turn on, we don’t like to move.
_____ I don’t like the idea of you seeing me, but the television is gentle, and
Lends a softening hand to the idea of me.
_____ I think you like my silhouette
Theres different things about it, and its becoming saturated.
_____ I don’t think about these things until the morning, with the faint glow of the clock
reminding me.
We don’t have excuses right now, anymore. (it was trying to be neon)
And we always have to recycle it. (a little is lost everytime, and its never the same)