nothing like listening to icelandic music (or more specifincally, any music in a foreign language, ESPECIALLY one you dont understand) before going to sleep. soothing?
turns out this is a lullaby.

VÖKURÓ
…Langt í burt
vakir veröld stór
grimmum töfrum tryllt
eirðarlaus
óttast nótt og dag
augu þín
óttalaus og hrein
brosa við mér björt…

(Far away
wakes the great world
mad with grim enchantment
disquieted
fearful of night and day
your eyes
fearless and serene
smile bright at me)
from Björk’s Medulla Alblum.. this is not all of it. here ya go.

i feel assured knowing what he’s doing, where he is, and that he’s with me, not someone else.

sounds like something it’s not, right?
thats what i’m trying to figure out too.

why am i so messed up?

gah! so pissed off that i scratched my phone TWICE in the span of a few hours and i cant trade it in, will lose all my stiff, innate sense of NO direction, psychology seems like fun at eleven something.

___at first I didn’t like being alone.
___________________a phobia of mine.
_but now after always being with people, I relish it.
the time pases slower when I’m alone but I like it that way.
______________possibly, i’m fine. because i know someone’s on
______________their way home.
my home.
_____I find myself smiling in thought. unknowingly. I catch
_____myself, and consciously widen it.
__________________________I like this life.
While i can keep apologizing for being myself, I don’t see the point.
___the only people I need to impress, I already have.
___________________I have to only care about myself,
because this is not the time.

_________________________I’m content with where I am.
_____________________________this is the perfect resting place, don’t you think?
____________________I’d prefer to stay, for I will never know
____________________where
my potential was, would have been if I move on.

_______________I hate how the wind blows things around.
_________________________I can’t catch it?
__________________I do not like it.
___________________________I was talking about something else.
I like how only I can understand.
______________________I I I I I, enough for you?
______________________________________(don’t lose this)

___Today I am very happy with who I am, and for the first time,
___I like it.

___at first I didn’t like being alone.
___________________a phobia of mine.
_but now after always being with people, I relish it.
the time pases slower when I’m alone but I like it that way.
______________possibly, i’m fine. because i know someone’s on
______________their way home.
my home.
_____I find myself smiling in thought. unknowingly.
I catch
_____myself, and consciously widen it.
__________________________I like this life.
While i can keep apologizing for being myself, I don’t see the point.
___the only people I need to impress, I already
have.
___________________I have to only care about myself,
because this is not the time.
_________________________I’m content with where I am.
_____________________________this is the perfect resting place, don’t you think?
____________________I’d prefer to stay, for I will never know
____________________where my potential was, would have been if I move on.
_______________I hate how the wind blows things around.
_________________________I can’t catch it?
__________________I do not like it.
___________________________I was talking about something else.
I like how only I can understand.
______________________I I I I I, enough for you?
______________________________________(don’t lose this)
___Today I am very happy with who I am, and for the first time,
___I like it.

did i say how perfect these wristwarmers were? lemme say it again. they’re PERFECT. i have really poor circulation in my legs and arms because of my anemia. (Another thing to check off to bad genetics, looks like i got the best AND worst of my ancestors). I especially have trouble when i’m typing. i have NO CLUE as to why my fingers get so frikkin’ cold when i’m typing, maybe something like i use up the blood in them, and my body cant deliver new quick enough, so it spreads it out.. i dont know. i’m not a doctor. but anyways, these things are so awesome. keeps my hands warm, yet still lets me type, and write, for that matter, freely. makes me feel a little “rogue from x-men the movie” ish though.

oh, and my psychology professor just emailed me saying that i havent done this thing on the online course yet, and if i need help, he’s glad to help me. so, i gave myself a lot of credit, yet didnt alter his ego, i mean, im in no position to! i came 20 some minutes late to his class! so, i politely said that i have participated in the online course, as of August 25th, and that i know how to use it, but thanks for the concern, sorry for being late, etc… yeah. go me.

i love my english class, but how should i write? and i accidentally called myself “jessica” in third person. hope no one thinks i’m psycho… ?

i just remembered that my brother’s birthday is this week!
< < lack of present.
and I SO GOT sick from drinking too much 'sweet' stuff. not good times. maalox helped though. and i have some stuff to sort out....

#moby# - in my heart

i dont even want to talk about today. im in so much pain!! my ankles hurt. serious cruise control action driving today.
^__________________^

first of all i went to M101H (english). that was good times. i was really comfortable in that class with talking, and several times, i said things that the whole class laughed at. that was a good confidence booster, and made me feel confident. we had to do introductions, and by the time we got to them, i had forgotten all the stuff. she had four kids though... fun times. and she was a hairdresser? then, turns out half the class, including me, is missing these two books, and we try to get them @ the bookstore and thery're all sold out, and at the fairlakes and manassas ones too. (wite about hooked on phonics) so i trek to tysons. good times. before that, manassas mall. then to fair oaks, then to g-mas for food. i bought the things below. PERFECT.
 

i  remember i wrote something about rape and the shower. and i wrote a screenshot play. where did all of this stuff go?

there’s always this one part on Björk’s “where is the line?” song, that i think someone’s knocking on the door. it’s so freaky. i guess my headphones are good then.

oh, and why are all the people on sundays?! i mean, its good for me, cause monday, i have class @ 11, but still, no one will go with me.

oh, and i just realized that the calendar to the right has all been missing for a long time. so i forgot to change the visibility feature. ^__________^ stupid me.

i want this:

, but im going to settle for this:
 

WOW. im definetly going through a Björk phase
its just SO GOOD:

I wake up
and the day feels broken
I tilt my head
I’m trying to get an angle

‘Cause the evening
I’ve always longed for
it could still happen

If you leave it alone
it might just happen
anyway

It’s not up to you – well, it never really was…

If you wake up
and the day feels a-broken
just lean into the crack
and it will tremble
ever so nicely
notice
how it sparkles
down there

I can decide what I give
but it’s not up to me
what I get given

Unthinkable surprises
about to happen
but what they are

It’s not up to you
well, it never really was…

There’s too much
clinging
to peak
there’s too much
pressure

what a wonderful impression to make on my Psychology professor by showing up fifteen minutes late for his lecture.

im so lonely, my body is aching.
__i often get that feeling in my toes, havent touched the ground in so long, reaching reaching.
i just want to be held.
__________so im not so empty anymore.

it comes to my realization that i do not have my computer yet and that i have not written, or acheived any progress on what i was writing (or haven written anything for that matter).

i am also very jealous of everyone leaving their families.
i like this house, filled with things that are not mine, but i can pretend they are.

____________________________why is everyone abandoning me?
finding faults in me?
________i knew that this would come one day. those no longer fooled by my charm and charisma, they think im interesting, but in actuality, i just pretend to be.

snakeskin anyone?

and this is me just rambling. i wish i could rest, i wish i could find peace. i wish i could make it through the night, but i know that my wishes fall on deaf ears.

it’s only a matter of time before the gates open.

the lights will be turned on. they’ll see everything.
_______ where will i be?