so tonight was my girls night out. though, only with one person. and not with a girl. of course, the person i work for chooses to be late when i have places to go immediately after work. (that looks spelled wrong..)
so i go home, put some kind of stuff in my hair and straighten it.
i put on the H&M striped shirt, which i had not realized was so brightly and obviously striped, after ironing it. and Iron the ‘has to be captured on a person, in motion, dan in love with it’ skirt. yes, i know 100% silk, and i’ve done everything i’m not supposed to to it. wash (wince), dry(cringe), and iron(climactic gasp followed by putting back of hand to forehead in ‘woe is me’ gesture). but it looks good. some tchotchke (you can tell what word that is, despite spelling) articles of accesory, and black strappy sandals later (skipping over the AWESOME make-up job a la moi (how that for french!?) which involved creme (no accent for the E?) frost base, light and dark purple liquid eyeshadow with black for drama to outline).
we went to the metro.
his card wouldnt work. some how cause he didnt pay to leave after we went to the disuko (which reminds me that we didnt ever relish in his lack of parents on the 1st of august,,,er,,.. im writing this after it happened, for my benefit. forgive?). but he got through anyways, even though waving the smart trip card like a mobil speedpass and trying to use my renegingly purchased 20 dollar fare card two times in a row didnt work, the attendent thought he was cute, so he let him through.
on to the metro. i feel at home taking charge. (though, for a second i doubt myself,fearing a relapse of what occured @ columbia heights last time). but i am assured by his constant questions and the fact that i am slightly taller in my shoes and overwhelmingly confident with the swishing of my skirt at my knees. i like being able to lead. in shopping too. i feel like its my chance to prove myself. ‘i can do it too’ i think. i swing around the silver pole, wondering if anyone thinks that i’ve ever done this before, cause i havent. the only poles i’ve ever even seen are on the metro. (no subway, my mom thinks its unsafe, the one that made me run in zig zag patterns through parking lots during the sniper attack) i comment under my breath at other people, as i’m sure they are doing to me. when we get to metro center centre (i like the euro way better), i look for where we’re supposed to go. up, then down, then up again? seems like a round about way. my shoe straps seem to cut into my ankle, like they’ve suddenly grown too small for me. maybe they have. we’ll be sitting soon, but there’s a delay. i see the same person from the vienna metro station next to us, and think that it’s weird that he has followed us all this way. i like standing close to the blinking lights, awaiting the trian the push my hair away from my face and skirt against my legs. i laugh foreignly when i step on the bumped area, joking that i’m blind. doing the things that i reprimand others for and that would fuel my anger if it were anyone else. i dont remember if it was this time, but dan and i are taking pictures with his phone. an old guy, if this is the same one, sorry to start a digression within a tangent, but.., is standing on the edge with a kid jokingly hanging him over the edge or gawking on the wires. i feel wires in my brain steam, vexed at their audascity. so we were taking pictures with dan’s phone, to return to the original digression, and a guy comes right up next to me, and starts talking about if it costs money or something. im caught off guard, but am not angered, like towards the other people. i switch on a fake happy accent and smile to continue the conversation until he eventually relieves us of his chatter.
so we get off at cleavland park. (which reminds me, when we were catching an orange line train from vienna, dan kept asking if i knew if this was the right train. i justified it by saying “vienna is the last stop. it has to be going away from us”, though worded more wittingly, if i do say so myself.)
at first, i dont think we know where we’re going, but dan pulls out a non-hilighted piece of paper with directions in his handwriting. we find it, and are seated in the middle of a long rectangle, oddly. i wonder what people think of us. i dont know what to order. iw ant to find something familiar, yet, want to take this opportunity to try something new. i dont know. i settle on the “crispy pillows”, i feel uncomfortable saying the title, and instead point and mumble. when dan orders a ginger salad, i remember that i wanted one as well. i did not like the ginger salad, though i know first hand that this is what they;re famous for. after setting it aside, i see a hair in it. it didnt really matter to me, since i was done with it, but i decided to pursue it. so our waiter-tress finally came back, and i was all ready to point it out, when dan does it for me. i was fine with him getting her attention (why did she address me first when ordering, and only look at me), but he pointed it out as well. i suddenly felt .. whats the word.. as if i held less presence or power. i fell into my traditional role. our food arrived. i did not like how the vegetables were on skewers. it was har dot get them off. me, not liking eating with my fingers. i wrestled the vegetables off of the sticks, without too much disarray. the meal itself, though i would have liked my rice in a seperate bowl, and more of it, was delishhhious. delish. (which reminds me of that time that dan and i went to walmart and saw polish sausage (POH li sh), and i said, i bet some people think that it says polish sausage (pah-lish). he said i was weird or something, and then we heard people saying that afterwords. satisfaction and a resolute pretzel later.) orgasmic, really, and i hardly ever use that adjective. showing off my chopstick skills. ^_^. but it really was good. i was satiated with half of the uh.. pillows, and gave some to dan, since he ate RICE for a meal, but then was hungry again, and ended up eating it all. i had the slipping into food coma feeling, but after adding my 50 cents to the bill literaly, and with a promise of starbucks because i had gotten my salad taken off the tab, and walking in a wide rectangle, i was once again content. a fire engine blazed its sirens to go across the street to a gas station. … .. +_+”’. dan said i could get starbucks since my salad got taken off and he had a gift card. we walked around for a starbucks, so assured that there had to be one on every street in the world, and then saw people WITH starbucks (after commenting on WHO would want to eat outside in DC?!) and then after a biiig circle, saw it across the street from the restaurant that we started at. it closed right in front of us. we started walking back to the metro station. we sat a while at a gheee – oh metal table while dan called his mother to see when the showings for village were. we decided on fairfax corner, last showing @ union station, was about to start, and headed back. we left the metro around 12, not needing to utilize my over-borrowed smart trip, and made it to the theatre (PARKING FAR AWAY) right on time. early, kind of, and the evening (early morning) was cool. i HATE people that refuse to sit next to other people. dan tried to get seats, but they said they were taken, then we heard quite loudly that they just didnt want to sit next to us. i asked people if the seats were taken next to them, unabashedly, and then sat down, closest to the stranger, cause i dont care about that. scoot in all the way, dont leave a random blank seat in the middle so that a party of five has to sit in the front cause there’s only four and one in this row.

++++
movie review (and conclusion to never see any movie that requires THINKING, at all, in the theatre again)

first of all, im not going to spoil it. the movie was NOT as scary as the trailer made it out to be, though i got scared because of the MUSIC (music is always the clincher for me) and the aprehension built by the trailer, commercials, and hype in media. it was a psyche thing for me. second. i do NOT like watching scary movies with other people. i felt so stupid when i screamed at the part where she fell. at parts of the movie with slow crescendoes (radio today: porn is the only type of movie with no crescendoes. its like, my names steve, and im the pizza delivery man. then all of a sudden it goes all dar dah da da DA, dar da da da DA, twang like. and you’re all like oh my god, shocked, and “man, give me some warning! that came out of nowhere, let me get some lotion at least. i need to prepare!”)i held my hands over my mouth and nose, steeple style, and whispered to myself, im going to freak out over and over again. i was prepared to cover my eyes when the creature came into view. i was afraid to see it! just like in signs. i was disappointed in the end. ESPECIALLY since we ALL knew from the beginning that the main character was blind, and the person sitting next to me, at the end was “she’s blind!” like he had figured out before everyone else and was informing them. my eyes were wide with disbelief at this comment. i pointed it out to dan, but he didnt hear me, then the guy said ti again (And again and again) and he said “did he just say” and i cut him off with a yes, and we cringed together. later, we saw him driving next to us. us all sophisticated, and he all trying to be cool in his parents suburban, younger siblings-slash-chaperones and wannabe girlfriend in tow. thanks dan for playing on my fear of partial darkness (the thought of the window next to this monitor in the basement just freaked me out kinda) and scaring me. i made you walk me up to my door and make sure i got in so i wouldnt get grabbed by anything under my car.
+++

i hope that it wasnt bad that i kept talking about the movie, and that i even said some stuff during the movie. got home around 3. i have a headache. will fill in later.

i liked the plot twists cause i was all like no, cause then, but yeah, that could still happen, and they were lying, no they werent, and WHAT THE HELL. i feel sorry for dan for having to sit next to me and listen to be developing my hypothesis outloud.
 

new cell phone. i felt i wanted to offer proof that i was who i said i was, but they didnt need it

i want to go on this TV Show on MTV called “made”.

i have two ideas on what i want to be “made” into… i guess, a model. (which, i would want mainly for the agent-ness, cause i already have modeled and won stuff), but there was like this rule, where they didnt want “fame-seekers” like models, vjs, or actresses, though they gave an example of a teen pagaent winner or actress, so i dont know. and the other would be i guess martial arts, cause i used to do it, but i quit cause i didnt have time, and i dont have enough motivation by myself. so yeah…

on other notes, my sister went to the ER last night at like midnight cause she sliced her finger and the flesh was all hanging off. i woke up when my mom was crying, but by that time, there was a bandage on it, so i saw no blood or anything. but i could imagine it, and it made me cringe.

so happy the week is over. so tired.

me:: im all sore cause i went to the doctor today
me: (even though, techinically i didnt need to go cause it was a physical for college)
paul: what’d he say?
me: she. and i had to get SOO many shots
paul: hmm…
paul: i haven’t done shots in a while…
paul: i should do that….
me: i thought i was getting one shot, but i had to get three (and they’re like, lets put this in your muscle, so if you dont move the medicine around, it will get hard), and change into the gown and do a “sample”
me: and i have to go all back on monday and thursday, and then two months from now, and then two after that
paul: wow… what for?
paul: man, i haven’t done any of this stuff like, in forever…
me: i know right
me: i had hepatits (which is a 3 stage thing, goes in your muscle), tetnius(which you have to move around so it doesnt tense up), and menagitis(which went in the fat of my arm)… its for colelge!
me: VT makes you fill the physical form out for the health center
paul: hmm…
paul: darn…
paul: i have to do all that… and fast
paul: *sigh*
paul: oh well
me: yep
me: have FUN
me: it wasnt fair for me, cause i didnt know
paul: yeah… well…
paul: anxiety/anticipation have a tendency to make things worse…
me: well, all that plus shock and being naky in a gown~!
paul: i’m sure it was fine for you
me: there’s a gown
me: and NO it was not good
me: my mom was in the room
paul: oh
paul: uh…
paul: yeah… that could be odd
me: yep
me: and theres all these pictures of cats and dogs all over the place, and it was just freaky
paul: i’ll prolly be allowed to go on my own
paul: why’d your mom go?
me: you’re 18, so yeah
paul: that’s weird…
me: i dunno
me: i thought iw as just getting a quick shot!
me: but it turned into like an hr and half thing
me: you know how the doctor is

oh, and lets not fail to mention that today i got killed by the kid’s cat and was bleeding, then after the doctors, hung out with eric (taco bell, mall, best buy, and walking SLOWLY in the rain)
i hate going to best buy cause i see all the people i used to work with, and they’re all like o_O’ at me.

Daughter of China, a true story of love and betrayl by Meihong Xu und Larry Engelmann
i just started reading this book. the only thing that i believe it holds over the others is that it goes through the repetitive historical facts quite quickly, and is about love during the time of communism. i havent gotten to the third segment yet, but i think that it will be good. we’ll see. i find it interesting that she thanked Anchee Min (and furthermore, to jump around, that amy tan(which ive never read, praised wild swans) in her foreword. weird, huh?

Empress Orchid by Anchee Min
this book intrigued me because of the summary i read on the inside flap, how this person seduced the emperor. it was even more appealing that this was basically a documentary of a person’s life. it provided a nice reprieve from the modern chinese novels that i had been reading recently. i liked learning about the imperial court life by learning about the culture and the politics. it made me appreciate it more, and realize what a great loss the country suffered when communism eventually made its way around (which would happen much later). it also put the whole sphere of infulence into a different perspective and how China must have felt, knowing that they were at the start of civilization,and for all of it’s inventions and pomp and circumstance, still was defenseless against any person that opposed their standard beliefs. (though, the manchus had done that to the chinese). i also liked the emphasis on manchu vs chinese, because that is rarely hilighted and i hadnt even heard of it before.

Laws of Evening by Mary Yukari Waters
this book came up when i searched for books similar to wild swans, which i had read a whiles back. i thought that the title and the summary inferred that it would be short romantic stories about post war japan, but it just ended up to be a sad twisted version of aesop’s fabels with incoherent asian similies. i liked it in the beginning, when there was still hope for sex to emerge inthe book, but after a while, i skimmed, and quickly finished the book when it was apparent that it would keep telling the same stories over with different names and settings. Nice try, but no.

The Lily Theater by Lulu Wang
this was a good book. though, not as good as falling leaves by adeline yen mah, this was a good book because it held less historical information, and was based partly on the author’s life, though not completely. i liked the fact that it wasnt text book like, and was told by a child. i was intrigued by the emphasis on class struggle and it made the war of communism a backdrop. the ending is very unexpected, develops quickly, and is similar to that of the popular japanese film battle royaledon’t worry, its not giving away the ending.

lets not even say what happened. just that… yeah. sorry for myself.
dan took my car keys and cell phone.
i called my parents at like 6 and 10 to come pick me up. dan can give them directions, but not come get me or give me my stuff.

worst hangover in the world. all the more so, cause my parents knew. it felt much better when i threw up. it was a weird color too. made me feel like i was getting fluid out of my lungs. it hurt so bad, cause there was nothing there. advice: make yourself throw up when you get sick instead of being naseous several hours. it will be all good.

i promise never to drink alcohol ever again, and i’m giving myself a curfew. there we go. i’ll take control of myself; never let this happen again. i’ll never see them again. i know it was because i was the only girl there.

my withdrawl letter is in an envelope. im not going to virginia tech because they dropped my major this year because of budgeting. while i do want to go to virginia tech, its not worth compromising what i want in life.
plan: NVCC for 2 years, William and Mary transfer.

so i have to live at home for two years, use my money for a car, and move to the basement. price of happiness?

mars volta is good, but after a while sounds like one big song. i cant tell the difference.

there’s no room in my room. all filled with boxes. am i unpacking?

i dont feel myself yet. is it still the hangover, or am i going to be like this the rest of my life? im scared. things are out of focus, i cant focus as well. or maybe my memory isnt that good. and i dont remember the way i was. still sort of sick.

i only have 79 cents in my checking account. i had to buy a bunch of stuff today for babysitting. it was their mom’s birthday, and i made the cake and decorated and such.