you’ve folded me a million times,
take me apart and the creases
are still there…
just like the tears*

you’ve torn me around the edges,
just a matter of time before
I fall apart.

you’ve cut me to form the shape
you want and it doesn’t make
a difference how much tape I use,
im still your broken piece of paper.

I wondered if you’d
miss me just now, in
the night as I stare at the corner of my room
And try to tell where the walls end and the darkness begins

I wonder if you’d miss me …
if I leave you, will life be better
or any easier
will you be satisfied with
what you’ve done to me

I wondered if you’d miss me
as I pressed the knife against my wrist,
I wondered if my tears would be dry when
you found me, and I wondered
if you’d care.

it happened again last night you misunderstood me and we got in a fight.
you screamed how I never appreciated you, and how you’re life had been so bad. I’d heard the story a hundred times before… just like you always had.
I had to yell so I could hear myself think then you broke down in tears. He rushed to your side to calm your sobs and you proved my fears.
after all this time that I’d tried to live up to his expectations and failed so many times, He looked at me; calling me names and accused me of my crimes.
It hurt so bad to be betrayed when he called me that, I thought when we moved here it would be different and he would love me. But you found me out, is he surprised? I looked like I didn’t care that he had said that to me, just bowed my head and my hair hid my face from view.
Upstairs in my bed I stared up at the ceiling. The tears slid down my face and traced around my cheeks. I felt my mask start to slide on, and I resisted it at first. But fighting it was useless and I lost the battle. I turned on my side and my tears fell into my hair. I looked through the wall and repeated what you said. I focus on my thoughts and try to block out your voices… voices saying things about me that I know are true. And I cry a little softer so that you can’t hear me through the door, but loud enough to keep your words from reaching my ears.