walked across the street,
on the other side
walked on the side i’ve never been on before
down the sidewalk, i compared the two sides
black versus white
and i’m the grey
got to the end
and sat down in the dirt,
filled in the heat-sprung cracks
with sand, each grain of time
slipping through my fingers
like my tears had so many times before

still searching for the cracks
in the baked ground, and i won’t
stop until i fill them all,
not caring for my own cracks,
made my fears.

i’m thinking of you as i
scratch my nail polish off
you didn’t like the color anyway

i haven’t seen you in 2 months
but i think about you every second;
i have to remind myself to breathe.

you’re beautiful in my mind
though no one else thinks you are

your personality makes it all
worth while.
i don’t care about my popularity

so i said the wrong thing,
people make mistakes,
i lied to you and said that because of your mistakes
we couldn’t be together…

how the tables have turned

it used to be you chasing me,
and i was playing the game.
oh, how the tables have turned.

you don’t answer the messages
on your machine
i smile sadly at your voice:
hoping you’ll pick up and talk to me again.

i lick my lips,
the fruity lipgloss you never tasted.
oh, how the tables have turned.

take me back, my apologizing doesn’t seem to be working,
and i don’t think this is funny how
i’ve already done these things to you.

the tables have turned,
i’m on the side i’ve never been on before
and i’m crying now….

i’m crying,
but you can’t tell because i say
that its just the rain,

but rain doesn’t taste like salt

so i push you away,
and i’m suprised to say
that the
tables
have
turned.

:::: for joe :::::

i’m so cold
without you here

i still know your voice,
your laugh
your smile.

98° outside and i’m weraing a coat
cold somes from the inside,
and i think i’m frozen

will your lips
have the power to melt
the ice that immobiizes me,
makes my thoughts and words distorted
so that you hear different that what i mean

i guess i’ll never know

i need something to fill the void,
so instead of doing something about the
situation, i push the thoughts
to the back of my mind
hoping the darkness will help me
forget about you

but it just makes me remember…
and i cry a single
t
e
a
r

::::: to joe :::::

don’t blame someone else,
don’t lie to yourself.

i gotta think about what really happenend
and see who’s fault it really was.

mine? for being myself, dropping my mask so i could take a breath?
in that second you saw my real face, how scarred it was by handprints.
fingernail marks where i had tried to take away the
flesh while tears were running down,
over my fingers…
my hands…
my lips…
clawed at my cheeks; ashamed of the tears escaping. i wanted to remove
the skin that caught all of my childish sorrows.

so many now that my body holds the scent of salt.

hold myself,
rocking back and forth
in my lonely room.

so empty, each silent
tear echoes until it’s deafening.

close my eyes and imagine
that i can’t still see the porcelian dolls
staring back at me; the one with the tear
painted on her cheek.

i remember i broke her one day,
then tried to piece her face back
together, jagged cracks on her perfect
white skin.
the only piece i couldn’t find was the
one that held her smile.

it’s midnight
and the rain’s on my window
crying out like a child.
i just remembered what i said to you
and how the sounds were all the same.

raindrops tapping on my glass,
my sunshine disappeared long ago,
and i wish i could go outside;
stand out there and let the
water clean my tainted soul.

i just remembered what i said to you,
and how the the hurt was the same as before.
and i can’t sleep ’cause of the
rivers running down my roof,
so i’ll just lay here thinking about you.

how we used to laugh
and smile all the time,
forgetting all the bad things in our life.
go outside and i’ll meet you there,
walking hand in hand.

can we just forget about what i said again?
how i pushed you away…
and i broke your trust

a little flower witling in the rain…

can i be washed away?

::::: for joe :::::

you’re the only one that knows the truth,
i’d figured you would know me by now.

i’d hoped you understood
how my life has been,
what i’ve been through,
and what you do to me.

don’t listen to these words i say,
i’m just pretending to be in control.
i don’t mean it,
im just afraid.

been alone too long.

can you read my handwriting?
so illegable, even i can’t make out the words?

i sent a note to you,
sorry it’s not on pink
scented paper,
but it’s the truth.

take me back, and grab my hand.
Will you give me chocolate on Valentine’s day?
i’m confusing you, but that’s because
im trying to work out my life.

Who am i?

haven’t cried in so long,
but now the tears are coming down.
they’re falling on the paper,
kissing the ink because i can’t kiss you.

ink’s running now,
but i’m used to it,
that’s my life’s story
after all.

you know i just wannna
start on a clean piece of paper,
and forget my past.
haven’t kept enough memories to forget,
so i’ll just collapse on my bed
and hold my dolls.

they’re so perfect because
they can’t feel any pain.
i wish i could be like them,
cheeks unstained by tears.

shove the shoebox back under the bed,
forget about all of the old photographs
and throw the tissues away.

leave my broken home
and go back to sleep,
hopefully when i wake up,
i’ll be on a fresh sheet-

a piece of paper where i can forget
about the past chapters
and i’ll start writing again.-

i’ll sign my name at the bottom,
the only problem is if
i’ll remember who
the signature belongs to.

::::: for joe :::::

funny how the rain
stopped and i
didn’t even notice.

it was so loud
a few heartbeats ago,
pounding in my ears.

when i forgot to listen
for the sound of each
raindrop dying outside,
the water stopped and
the clouds smiled a bit.

i wiped my tears, now dry,
and blew the candle out.

crawled into bed
and put the pillow over my head,
hugged my doll and started crying again.

the storm stopped outside
but it’s still raining in here.
i think the clouds will never leave
’cause the rains coming in streaks.

salty tears running down my cheeks,
fall on my lips, but i’m used to the taste.

wind quiets down,
and i drift off to sleep,
i hope to wake up
with the sun outside my window.